


it's a long way home

by Claira



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Dyslexic Author, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, No one dies don't worry, but it's a near thing, how to lie about injury's and cry about it, lots of angst in this one bois
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-17 02:00:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29092416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Claira/pseuds/Claira
Summary: Azula hits zuko with her lighting during that faithful Agni Ki, Zuko feels his lungs burn, he feels himself unable to breath properly. He knows he could die, but he can't inconvenience anyone, he can't risk Katara who's probably hurt after her fight with Azula.Zuko would lie down his life for his friends.even when there's no reason to do so
Relationships: Aang & Zuko (Avatar), Katara & Zuko (Avatar), Sokka & Zuko (Avatar), Suki & Zuko (Avatar), The Gaang & Zuko (Avatar), Toph & Zuko
Comments: 6
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> author projects onto the charter she always projects onto and decides to beat the shit out of that charter for fun.

There's no sound, as the unworthy, unwanted, pathetic, horrible prince hit the floor. No sound that he could hear anyways. All he knew was a NEED to protect, to protect Katara, better him than her thought as he fell.

The team was weird, really weird. Zuko knew that when he saved Hakoda, Sokka’s dad from prison only to have Toph crack a smile and say

“Welcome back real dad!” Hakoda laughed and ruffled Tops' hair as Zuko did what he did best…. Bury his fear, his pain and hide it all. Hide it all way like a good child, like a perfect prince. How ironic that this defence mechanism, something he used to stop Ozai’s wrath nearly killed him in the end.

“Zuko?!” Katara demanded she reach out to touch his soldiers to see if his body was warm or if she had to start mourning a friend. He stirred slightly Azula was chained to the ground, his  _ baby sister  _ was changed to the ground, broken, hurting, desperate pleading. He shoots upright Katara stumbles back not expecting the movement (not even expecting him to be awake).

“Did mother ever love me?” is the first thing Zuko hears, he struggles to his feet. It was the last thing Azula said before she passed uncaintous. Ironic, one prince wakes, one princess falls asleep both to the desperate pleading words ‘did mother ever love me?’ It takes all of Zuko’s strength not to run over. To tell her, to tell his little sister, twisted and corrupted that Ursa always loved her that  _ he  _ always loved her. But Zuko was not cruel enough to lie. His mother never truly loved Azula, she feared the girl, his father never truly loved either of them… and he… Well there was a time when his blind rage at her obscured all love he felt. Maybe it wouldn't be a lie to say he always loved her… maybe it would be not even Zuko himself could tell.

“--ko are you ok?” he caught the end of Katara's statement, he wasn't. He knew he wasn't, he could barely breathe, he knew he would be uncaitous within a few minutes, everything hurt so overwhelmingly much that he could barely use his other senses.

“I redirected most of it, I’m OK Katara'' he smiled at her. Katara nodded slightly, he needed healing but if he was standing, if he was breathing, if he was talking just fine, he might really be ok long enough for her to rest. His obviously pained smile was probably because even though he was OK it still hurt, and because he was looking at Azula chained and screaming a moment ago.

“Are you sure you’re ok?” she insisted, something inside her told her there was something wrong. Something dangerous, something she had to figure out.

“Yes Katara, it was a hard fight I just need rest,  _ you need rest _ ” Truly injuries were the only things he could successfully lie about. For a moment Zuko was so SO glad Toph wasn't here. She would tear him apart in a second for a bold faced lie like that. It was a selfish thought, especially when Zuko realized he had no idea if she… if any of the others were even  _ alive _ , the first kids his age to be kind to him (Mai and Ty Lee were Azula’s friends first and even they hadn't really been like this). They could all be dead, this grupe who when he was finally accepted into called him ‘our firebender’ like they called Toph ‘our earthbender’ names of endearment slipped past them just like that, ‘our avatar’ ‘our strategist’ ‘our warrior’ ‘our waterbender’ as if they all belonged to each other. It was the first time Zuko could remember feeling  _ wanted _ in so long. He cursed himself internally for being grateful for Toph's absence, he would in that moment, have taken her discovering 100 of his lies if she, and the others could be here right now. 

The familiar whrrrrr of a war balloon sturred Zuko from his thoughts. Aang stepped out of the balloon, a little worse for wear but  _ alive  _ Toph looked shaken but she confidently stepped out of the balloon. Zuko felt like he was going to collapse from releaf (that wasn't the reason he was on the verge of collapse) when Sokka and Suki stepped off the ship. Then, then  _ then he stepped out.  _ Zuko felt his breath hitch, muscles tensing, body falling into stance, heart rate shooting up. Ozai smirked as he saw the way his son responded before his own friends did. He laughed LOUDLY when a tiny  **child** started soothing his son coaxing him to breath correctly.

“I will never not have power over you” Ozai hissed “I stand chained and so called ‘beaten’ and you still flinch at my every move you are the definition of pathe-” he never got to finish his sentence. Suki knocked him unconscious with a single punch, her rage was blinding. She wanted nothing more than to make Ozai feel whatever pain he caused that led to Zuko flinching like that tenfold. But that would not help her friend, who was still panicking, eyes glazed over and his panic was shifting. Zuko took a step back and he just seemed desperate to get away.

“Zuko?” Aang asked “Zuko are- are you ok?”

“Yes'' he said between breaths no one needed Toph to know that was a lie “I’m ok, it’s ok” no one could figure out who he was comforting. The lighting had hit his lungs, Zuko hadn't been able to get a full breath in this entire time, he likely would have been ok (he thought). Then Ozai showed up, his already struggling breaths grew more shallow catching less and less oxygen, his vision was phasing out. He could’ve kept standing (a voice that sounded like Ozai insisted) as his kenes went out from under him. (Ozai’s voice told him he gave into it, he would’ve been fine if he kept pushing)

“AANG EARTH PELLOW NOW!” Toph called the moment she noticed Zuko’s heartbeat shift. Aang and Toph softened the earth so it wouldn't hurt when Zuko hit the ground barely breathing.

“Zuko?!” no one could tell who shouted his name, it was probably all of them, Katara dropped to her knees on instinct. She felt for the most deadly areas, for not the first time, she wished she had taken at least a few of those healing classes in the south pole. It was lucky Sokka had sat in on a few (to prove men could be interested in healing, to prove Katara right, bascially, he just did it to support his sister and say ‘fuck you’ to the sexist north, they gave him werid looks, for being a male, for being a nonbender sitting in on a waterbending class, for actually showing intrest and asking questions so he could explain it all to Katara latter) 

“He’s barely breathing Kat, figure out why” Sokka instructed. 

“The lungs are burnt but his diaphragm seems to have a lot of damage two” she muttered moving her healing water to the appropriate areas. “Wait- I can- I can sense something, his blood, it’s- it’s different”

“He was hyperventilating a moment before and if his lungs are burned he was probably taking really shallow breaths, so it’s probably blood oxygen levels being low, I… I don’t think you can fix that, just focus on making it so he can breath right” Sokka hated when it was his turn on the brain cell. When it was his turn with the braincell it always meant something BAD was happening. It was a few minutes before anyone's attention was off the scared boy on the floor, Katara focused on stabilizing Zuko with Sokka, Aang was busy transporting more water to Katara when necessary. Toph and Suki had no idea what to do with themselves but they didn't dare move… Laughter, sharp and rough, snapped everyone’s attention to Ozai barely having regained consciousness. 

“Your SON is on the ground barely breathing” Suki hissed “and your DAUGHTER is unconscious chained to the ground! And you laugh?!” she snapped Ozai laughed harder

“They should’ve been better, then they wouldn't be disappointments, why you bother with  _ him  _ is beyond me, you won, he outlasted his use, my brother would make a better fire lord” everyone’s blood boiled, Aang might have spared him but for a moment, they all stood ready to kill him where he stood. 

“Ozai” Katara’s voice was low, sweet, but practically dripping with venom, it was cold enough that Ozai nearly faltered “I might look like a healer” she started “but Tui and La help me I will make you regret the day you were born” Toph grinned at that, she turned to Ozai a smile on her lips

“Aang, ‘spare him’ only means his life right?” she asked, the question nearly sent a chill down his spine “I can still make him hurt right?” 

“Oh can we  _ please _ ?” Suki asked “punching him unconscious was so  _ satisfying  _ the first time” she looked murderous. Sokka was the last to reply, he wasn't pratutally intimidating, but somehow his cold stare still managed to unnerve Ozai who had never before encountered someone who didn't fear him. 

“I don’t think giving a physical punishment would be good for Zuko” he wispered Sokka was an idiot but he wasent  _ stupid  _ and being the only one not currently blinded by rage or--like Aang dedicated to pasificing--he had to say something. Ozai nearly laughed again before Sokka pointed out “but hey, if we don’t tell him what’s the harm?” then he made a quick gesture to Suki and she approached rapidly. Ozai’s flinch made the grand spirits smile, in fierce protection of their friend they had managed to make a man who had never felt fear  _ flinch.  _ Suki knocked him unconscious, she knew what Sokka’s words truly ment ‘we can’t hurt him but make him feel fear’ so she did, he was easier to deal with uncautious anyways, he had likely only said the whole thing to snap everyone out of their murderous rage. 

“I- I think we can transport him now” Katara whispered, she was referring to both fire nation man unconscious on the floor. One, was lifted off the ground with care and compassion, heald tightly but gently in worried arms positioned so his head was supported and not hanging in a position that would cramp latter. The other… well he was roughly pushed off the ground with a shot of earth so he could be harshly grabbed and dragged away legs dragging against the ground leaving scratches and bruises in his wake as he was pulled along to the prison. 

Zuko came too with a start. Not that anyone else realized that, his current breed of panic was quiet and suffocating. He realized a few things in rapid succession. He was in the palace infirmary, he was in pain, his most recent memory was of Ozai, of lighting, of panic. If he had woken up in the medical wing that ment someone had taken him here. If someone had taken him here that meant Ozai, that man's  _ father  _ already knew.  _ Zuko had to get out and he had to do it NOW _ . he shot up, biting his lip HARD to prevent himself from calling out. He struggled to get to his feat only to be dragged back down.

“Woah, woah, ok Zuko calm down” a voice called, Zuko didn't recognize it, nor did he understand the words. All he knew was that someone was restraining him while he was trying to make a run for it. His 13 year old self had fully taken over. He tried to escape struggling against the unfamiliar torch

“Guys! He’s gonna hurt himself” the voice called “I- I don’t wanna make it worse by holding him down but- but I don’t know what else to do!!” Zuko struggled against the grip, it hurt, spirits it hurt, but it would hurt a lot worse if he stayed down if he didn't get away.

“Let me go!” he snarled though his voice was rough, trembling with his panic. “Let me go!” his energy was already falling on him. His already blurred vision fuzzing further as he pulled another hand on his move, voices surrounded him, words of comfort were lost in the buzz of fear. 

“Please” a whisper “please let me go!” begging rarely worked the 13 year old reminded him. “Please I- I can’t” Zuko reminded the child that he was in the infirmary. Medical staff often gave in to his struggles. His energy failed as he was forced back down “please” Zuko didn't want to get hurt again. “Please don’t tell him” the hands holding him down were firm but starting to relax. “I- please he’ll hurt me” Zuko had no idea why he was saying that, the palace staff knew, they didn't care. 

“I won’t let anyone hurt you Zuko” someone whispered, as he lost consciousness again succumbing to the fearful blackness around him. 

  
  


“So… should we talk about what just happened?” Sokka asked, no one responded no one knew how. They should talk about it, they should at least acholage it. Their friend had feared for his  _ life and had _ woken up in a medical area and panicked, his first response was to beg to not tell someone.

“It was Ozai” Toph said “the ‘don’t tell  _ him _ ’ part, it was Ozai, Ozai was the  _ him _ ” her voice was even but for once her face betrayed emotion, scrunched in a pain that could only described as the purest form of nonphysical agony. 

“He told me once'' Suki started “he used to hide medical supplies throughout the palace, he said it was ‘for emergencies’ but I don’t think it was the type of emergency I thought of'' Sokka remembered that. He had been there, on ember island, after Zuko picked up a scalding hot pan with his bare hands, leading Sokka to assume the metal was cool and burn himself. Zuko scighed, jumped into the rafters and grabbed a burn kit. He explained to Suki who had come over during the commotion, and Sokka himself why it was ok for him to grab the pan but not for a non-fire-bender. He explained that he always had a burn kit nearby, without ever explaining why. 

The words “Firebenders don’t  _ scar _ we can burn, depending on certain situations but to  _ scar _ you need nearly twice the amount of heat, for twice the time, to make half the mark, that’s why it’s so easy to hurt a firebender with fire and leave no evidence” would haunt Sokka for years. 

“It’s so easy to hurt a firebender with fire and leave no evidence” Sokka whispered to the near silent room. The words nearly danced in the air, twisting like smoke and shadow “he- he said that” the dead air turned to static beteeth everyones skin. The silence screamed in pain. They could taste fire on their tongues, ice just over their eyes. 

_ No one said a word until Zuko woke up. _


	2. of pain and silence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the team needs to talk to make Zuko understand that he's loved and nothing will change that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time for another dyslexic mess of bearly reable emotinal conversation

The second time Zuko came to reality it was noticed immediately, horrific buzzing static dissolving into the sweet nothings of pained releaf. 

“Zuko” Katara whispered voice soft but stained by the blood that had been rushing through her ears just moments before.

“Zuko” Toph echoed, quiet and small in a way none of them had ever heard her before. Glas eyes filled with concern.

“You idiot” Aang whispered, everyone stared, they had expected it, but from Sokka or Toph not  _ Aang  _ “you idiot you almost died” he was careful not to raise his voice. They knew from experience that something like that would just cause another spiral, and even if no one was quite sure how lucid the scared boy was it was NOT worth the risk. 

“I di’nt” Zuko slurred “di’nt die mm’fine” 

“Go back to sleep” Katara whispered moving her hands to heal him further, she watched as he melted into the bed, the soothing of his injuries nearly forcing his over-octave anxiety-ridden brain to admit safety. He hummed slightly as his eyes rolled back in suffocating silence.

When Zuko was finally awake  _ and lucid _ it was time for a talk, a talk no one wanted to have, not now, not so soon after. Not with Zuko still in so much pain, not while there was still a risk of making him feel trapped in a situation he couldn't escape. 

“Why didn't you say anything?” was the first question “why did you insist you were fine?” Katara sounded so, so small “I could’ve healed you, I--” she found no words no matter how hard she searched

“You fought Azula, you  _ won _ you needed the rest” 

“More than you needed to  _ breathe?! _ ” she snapped carefully not to raise her voice.

“Yes” Zuko knew he couldn't lie, so there was no point, no point in hiding it that would only make them all more upset. 

“I was fine, I was alive-- AM alive, barely more than a few singled hairs and a slightly blackened dress and you were barely able to breath and claim I needed the rest more?” her voice shook with effort, she wanted nothig more than to scream, to shake the boy beside her and tell him how stupid that was untill he finally  _ finally  _ got it though his head that his life mattered. Zuko didn't respond, he refused to make eye contact, although he had no idea  _ why  _ he knew answering would only make his friends hurt more, would only make the first people (excluding uncle) who ever made him feel wanted upset. Spirits what he would give to never let them hurt again. 

“Do you know how messed up that is?” Toph asked, Katara was shaking to hard to respond, eyes burning with tears she refused to shed

“Better me than any one of you” the words were dry, cracking in the air. Aang snapped, he remembered the feeling of coming home to the air temple to be greeted with evidence of a war. To be shown his people, his friends, his  _ family  _ gone and dead, never to return. Now he looked into the eyes of his new family, his new friends, the people who had helped him, supported him. Who had reminded him to be himself and he watched as one of the members of his new family admitted with barely a second thought that he wouldn't hesitate to give his life, that he would die silently in a corner before so much as inconveniencing someone for help. Aang couldn't, he  _ couldn't  _ do it again, he  _ couldn't  _ lose another family. Not over something so stupid as this.

“Do you know how cruel that is!?” Aang snapped Zuko flinched slightly. “Katara was ok, you can't, you  **_can’t_ ** just die because you don’t want to convince anyone! It wasn't a ‘me or you’ situation Zuko!” his eyes were raw with tears “spirits if we lost you because you were STUPID enough to hide it, if I lost you” he started to trail off, unable to hold back tears “I can’t, I can’t, I lost one family because I couden’t protect them, don’t,  _ please don’t make me lose another _ ” he wrapped his arms arround the fire pince, sobbing into his shoulder unable to let go careful to avoid adgatating the devloping scar on his chest. 

“O-oh, I-- don’t cry, p- please don’t cry” Zuko whispered “I’m ok I’m alive, I-” he couldn't say more, there were no other comforts to give, when he stood there unable to breath he had no idea if he would survive or not. He had figured it wouldn't matter either way, he outlived his purpose, uncle would make a better fire lord. 

“Shut up you idiot” Toph sniffed “you’re never allowed to hide injuries again” Zuko nodded, what else could he do, he had never felt such an overwhelming mix of fear, pain, releaf, love, and confusion. 

“Your not an inconvenience” Katara insisted joining Aang in the hug. Zuko opened his mouth to protest but “you’re a part of the family now, and  _ real  _ families are never an inconvenience to each other” Zuko found no words. Toph climbed on the bed, draping herself over Zuko's legs gripping on with her hand and squeezing it as if she could prevent him from ever doing something like that again with just the touch. 

“If you  _ ever  _ do  _ anything  _ like that again” Sokka started moving to join the dogpile “I will personally kidnap you and wrap you in a bunch of blankets so you can never get hurt again” 

“You have worth” Suki said more than anyone could imagen in those three words, ‘you have wroth, you mean so much to us, we love you, your father was wrong, none of the abuse was fair, you deserve better’ and so, so, so much more. 

There was more to say. So much more. There was more they had to make Zuko believe, stories of his past he had to tell. For now, they all cried, some--Suki, Toph, and Zuko--choakled back sound from years of habit nearly impossible to break. The others cried loud as if the world around them would applaud the sound, as if it would never matter if they were not heard. They cried until each found quiet unctuousness in eachothers arms.

Zuko had montras, they helped him remember, helped him believe things he otherwise wouldn't. During his time with Ozai the more memorable ones were.

_ Azula always lies _

_ Always listen _

_ Obey obey obey _

Now he still had montras , they still help him remember, still helped him belve things he otherwise wouldn’t. Now the memorable ones were

_ I have worth _

_ My friends don’t lie _

_ I am safe here _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

**Author's Note:**

> i'm really out here beating the shit out of my fav charters for fun huh?  
> oh if anyone wants the seen at ember island where a dumbass sokka burns his hands on a pot and gets the horrific knowledge that firebenders don't scar easily but they burn just fine let me know i'll write it


End file.
